Licorice
by Perfection's-bloody-flaw
Summary: Effie and Haymitch get married in secret 3 years before the rebellion kicks off. Effie goes to D13 with Haymitch but how much harder would it be nursing a rebellion when Effie finds out she is pregnant? How will Effie battle being a wife, a rebel and a mother all together? Bad summery.
1. Prologue

**Hey ya'll! This is my first Effie/Haymitch fic so I hope you all enjoy! Please review so I can get some inspiration and all feedback is welcome! **

**Disclaimer: Hunger games and all the characters belong to Collins. If they were mine, the whole book would be centered on Effie and Haymitch ^.^**

Prologue: History

They were broken bottles with whispered promises that they both knew that they couldn't fulfil. But knowing that did everything to mend the small shattered pieces of their hearts.

"_He's not good for you Effie. He's a silly, old drunk!" _

"_Capitol girl Haymitch? How can you be attracted to that?" _

They called it love even when others didn't. They called it drunken love when others called it insanity, when they wondered how two people so different could fall in love. It was true that their love was a twisted mess but it was love and it was theirs which was all that mattered.

65th Hunger games

Effie tugged at the edge of her sequenced top which gleamed and shined in the dim lights of Haymitch Abernathy's house. She had been given District 12 of all the Districts which was-to everyone's knowledge-the worst, most far off District their was. There were only two victors that came from this District for goodness sake and she was pretty sure the other one had passed away a good year or two ago.

However, while all of this put a damper on her feelings, Effie could still feel the bubbles of excitement in her stomach at her first year as a victor. Anyway, she wasn't _that _disappointed at getting District 12 as she could vaguely remember her seven year old self cheering on Haymitch in the 50th games.

She had been excited to meet her childhood crush but the drunk on the sofa looked nothing like the man she had spent the whole train ride imagining. He still had the same dark hair and gorgeous eyes and his body was the same build but it sagged with a weight that she couldn't see or understand.

"Mr Abernathy, we really have to get going." She swallowed nervously. "The reaping is in 15 minutes and we really can't be late."

"Get out of my face." He muttered as he took another gulp of the beer he was nurturing which did nothing to lessen the tightness in her stomach.

"But sir-"

"I don't like you and your kind. Get out of my face."

"How rude-" The bottle that was previously in his hands came flying towards her left side. She flinched as she it narrowly missed her and smashed against the wall, the pieces scattering on the floor. She might have held him to have a bad aim but with the direction his eyes went when he through the bottle, she could guess he had missed her on purpose.

"Shut. up." He snapped, eyes narrowing towards her. "Your green wig is blinding me. Why don't you hurry along to your precious reaping and let me take care of myself."

Effie didn't need to be told twice. She spun on her 11 inch heels and almost launched herself to the door. She found herself having to run-or at least try to-to the justice building where the stage was where the reaping would took place. Under her pristine countless white foundation layers she knew she was blushing like a bright red tomato when she arrived to find that everyone was waiting. There was no way she would be getting upgraded to a better District now after being late to her first reaping!

She got herself together and towards the end Haymitch stumbled up onto the stage, more drunk then ever, giving a once over at the tributes, a lovely blonde haired petite girl from the 14's age group and a rugged, skinny 12 year old boy. "You won't last a night." He said simply and Effie's eyes almost popped out of her chest.

"Haymitch!" She hissed, besides the cameras that were circling around them. "You can't just say that!"

"What? You can't take the truth Princess?" He chuckled.

She simply ignored him, pulling herself together and signing off the cameras. Because that's what Effie Trinket did best. Pull herself together.

68th Hunger games

All hopes of her being upgraded had evaporated by this year. The reaping days seemed to get worse and the entire experience of the Hunger games seemed to end catastrophically because of a certain _pathetic, annoying drunkard. _

She had fooled herself the first year, thinking that Haymitch would get better once they were on the train but the access to even more variety and quantity of alcohol that the Capitol brought with them led him to become even more intoxicated. She had been left by herself to help the tributes with the little knowledge that she knew apart from that which was about etiquette and manners.

It wasn't all that bad in the end. Once they had got to the Capitol, Haymitch would always sober up and take on his duties as a mentor, giving tips to the tributes and going out of his way to charm the sponsors. Effie found that Haymitch's sober character was serious, harsh and quiet but she thought him to be very attractive like this.

If asked though whether this was when Effie liked Haymitch most she would say no because while Effie's heart burned at attractive, sober Haymitch, it softened at drunk Haymitch. She liked to take care of him because heaven knows that he needed someone to. She liked to press wet, cold towels on his head at night after he had passed out and she liked to brush away his sandy hair from his eyes when it got too long.

"My other escort hadn't bothered with me this much." Haymitch admitted to her one night, when she was busy playing with her hair. Her hand froze in mid-air and she felt the redness start to rise from her neck.

"Your awake." She stated.

He gave her an amused look. "I never sleep to begin with."

"Oh, my." She flew up from his bed, backing away from him. "How inappropriate of me to just come into your room and-"

"I don't mind it." He shrugged. "I mean your ridiculously long fake nails scratch up my face but I don't mind."

Effie flushes harder and for not the first time in her life, is thankful that white foundation seems to be an ongoing trend in the Capitol. "Why do you sleep with a knife?" She asks, thinking of the first thing that comes to her mind to change the subject.

She instantly regrets saying anything when his grey eyes darken and when he tells her to get out she doesn't hesitate to question it.

70th Hunger games

"Just this ONCE Haymitch. Couldn't you be properly prepared?" She screamed at him. The rest of the twelfth floor of the training centre hums asleep but the two of them are alive with fire burning in their hearts. "One party. ONE! I have never asked anything of you before-"

"There's no point." He growled. "Its just the same old, same old with your stupid Capitol parties."

"But there were many sponsors there tonight and all I asked you was to come prepared." She snapped.

"What more could I have done? I put on a suit and tie. Effie, what more could I have freaking done?" He yelled at her.

"Been _nice _to people for once?"

"I don't do nice very well."

"You don't do anything very well!"

The victor tried to push past her but Effie wouldn't have it. Not tonight. She shoved as hard as she could against his shoulder which had close to no impact. The action makes him pause and look at the normally fragile escort in surprise.

She's crying by now. She can tell by the rainbows that her eyes start to see as her brightly coloured mascara and eye liner starts to run. "That's all I asked you to do." She cried. "All I asked you yo do."

"You're...crying?" He muttered, bluntly. "This is about more than just this damn party isn't it?"

The tears have started and the don't stop for a while. Haymitch leads her towards the lime green sofa and lets her hold his hand and lean against him as she cried rainbows into his white, pressed shirt. When they finally stop, the silence is stretched as she tried to calm her down yet he doesn't leave her and she's grateful for that.

"I ruined your shirt." Effie sniffed.

Haymitch grumbled. "Don't worry about it Princess. You should head to bed."

She nodded but doesn't make any movements and he doesn't either. "I don't know what to do." She whispered and he glanced at her confused.

"What-"

"I am so in love with you." She blurted out. "I'm so in love with you Haymitch and I don't know what to do about it."

The shocked look on his face almost made her regret her words but she can't help but like the lifting of the heavy feeling on her chest at the secret she had kept to herself for so wrong. "Effie." He sighs, leaning back and rubbing his eyes as if years had gone past since she had started talking.

"Its okay Haymitch." She said, quietly. "I like loving you. Just let me do that and you don't have to love me back or anything. I'll see you tomorrow. It'll be a big, big day!" She shrilled in her normally, chirpy voice before leaving to go to her room. She can't hate him for not stopping her but she wished she could.

71st Hunger games

"You don't have to do that." Haymitch complained as Effie scrubs the wooden floors of his house.

"I want to."

"You're going to clean this whole house? Really?" He shoots her an amused expression. "I don't think that's possible."

She smiles, a small laugh willingly escaping her. "Oh I know." She teases back. "But I am always one for challenges."

Effie really didn't know what she was thinking when she showed up at Haymitch's house 2 weeks before the reaping but he didn't seem to mind as he let her in straight away and helped her carry her suitcases to the guest bedroom.

He took a swig of his bottle before setting it aside. "I think the floor boards are clean enough." He said with a rare grin on his face before offering her his hand. The sweet gesture surprises him as she throws the scrubs into the cleaning bucket she was using and takes his hands.

She's cleaned the floors a little too well though and she slipped as she got up. Haymitch's arms scoop around her waist, catching her before she fell. "Hey, watch it there princess." He muttered. His eyes caught Effie's and she sighed, closing her eyes and allowing herself to enjoy his touch.

His hold tightens on her causing her eyes to flip open. She blushed at his guarded look. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "_Oh my,_ I am so sorry."

"Its okay." He said, simply. "It just takes a little getting used to." He doesn't remove his hands from her so she bravely wrapped her arms around his torso and he lifted her up so she is upright. She inhaled his scent which is a mixture of an after-shave she had brought with her for him and whiskey-his current alcohol. Its strangely calming to her.

"I love you." she breathed when she pulled away from him and his eyes darken slightly. She flinched as she awaited his words but it surprised at the lingering kiss that is placed on her cheek.

72nd Hunger games

He marries her this year and its only on their wedding night does he see her without the "Capitol crap" on her face. She would never forget the shock in his surprise at her blonde hair that ran in beach waves to her waist. She hated cutting her hair as a child so as a compromise, she wore wigs so no one would notice. Her face is pale and her normal eyes are a dull brown but she would never forget how he looked at her that night. Like she was the only woman in the world.

It doesn't make sense to anyone let alone them but right after the games finished, they push aside their dampened feelings and run to a Capitol priest who marries them in secret. Haymitch had first suggested at registry but Effie wanted to stay true to her beliefs and get married in a church. Churches and bibles are rare now after the dark days but Effie still finds comfort in following her Jesus.

He doesn't get it but he abides and they get married in a small church on a street corner. After that she followed him back to his house where they have a toasting, the District 12 marriage tradition. Its done in Haymitch's house with just them too and they exchange brief vows.

"There's something about you Princess. Effie." He said as his white slice of bread toasts over the fire. "I was young when my family were..." He gulped and Effie's heart is murdered at that second as the tears well up in her eyes. "I don't know how to but I'll try my hardest to love you and take care of you as I never had that chance with them."

"I'll love you even when I start to hate that sight of your face." Effie said making him chuckle as my own slice toasts slowly. "And I'll be your family Haymitch. If you'll have me." He leaned over at the second and kisses her as one of his lone tears mingle with her plentiful ones.

73rd Hunger games

She finally introduced Haymitch to her little family this year, her feisty but caring mother-Venus and her kind hearted father-John. They tell her _husband_ their own love story as they sit in one of the sitting rooms in their house-or freaking mansion as Haymitch likes to call it-eating biscuits and drinking peppermint tea which Effie knew Haymitch was probably imagining to be whiskey.

"Wait, your a victor yourself?" Haymitch asked her mother in surprise.

Her mother nodded, with a chuckle. "Yep. That's how I met this one." She said, patting her father's knee. "He was the game maker in my games."

"I fell in love with her on the screen." John admitted. "So much that I pretty much guaranteed that nothing happened to her that was in our control. When she won I quit my job, bought a few Districts with my wages and swept her off her feet."

Venus rolled her eyes. "I thought he was barking mad. A rich Capitol man in love with a girl from District 9? Unimaginable. But here we are."

Haymitch raised his eyes. "And the Capitol just let you get away with that?"

John shrugged. "I don't think they really care about a Capitol-Victor marriages as long as you are not splashing them around in public. Capitol-District marriages though? Definitely."

Effie grinned, looping her hand with Haymitch's. "You see! Its okay."

He still frowned with uncertainty but smiled neither the less, squeezing her hand holding his hand on his sleeve for once, much like she does. Effie grinned once again at the hope she saw swimming in his eyes.

75th Hunger games

They try to make him leave her when they come for him. Effie isn't surprised when she sees the District 13 aircraft's fly over head, one of them landing to collect the rebels currently in the Capitol and the other one on its way over to get the victors from the arena.

Haymitch had filled her in with all the plans and while she was proud of her husband for doing something so brave, she ached inside when in the night he was away for too long or when she saw the black circles under his eyes.

"Abernathy." Coin hissed as she stared Effie down. "We cannot take your Capitol whore with us. Don't make this mistake Abernathy. You are meant to be the most intelligent person in this mission."

Effie almost smirked at their faces at his next words. "Try and say that again Coin. She's my wife." He said, a proud smirk on his lips that made her smile. "And I am not leaving her."

Coin glared at Effie before giving in and Effie left with Haymitch to thirteen without a seconds thought. She was tired of seeing people dying every single year under Snow's hand-sometimes not just in the games either. So after making sure that her parents would be safe which they were bound to be with her father's status, she followed Haymitch to thirteen. After thirteen pregnancy tests.

"It'll be alright." He said to her from where the sat in the hover craft, a vacant corner that Haymitch had managed to grab. "I will never leave you."

"And I you."

"Effie, what's wrong?" He asked and she stayed quiet. "Effie? Baby, please." He whispered in her ear, words that only she was allowed to hear. Words that always left butterflies flying around in her stomach.

"Haymitch, we're in a war now." She said, the fear resting in her gut.

He nodded, solemnly.

The silence lies flat against them and she can't help but glance at the other stricken faces in the hover craft. They must be afraid too but none of them could be more afraid than she was.

"I'm pregnant." She spoke quietly in his ear and he flies to look at her in shock. His gaze moves from her eyes to her stomach and vice versa.

"But you're on the pill and we always..." He trailed off, leaning back and rubbing his eyes and she is once again reminded of the time when she first told him about her feelings for him.

She swallowed. "You don't want it."

"I never said that."

"But, you..." the words died on her tongue. "Haymitch..."

But he won't look at her and it breaks her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Effie's POV

Haymitch opens the door to our allocated room in twelve. The room itself seems more like a bunker with its metal doors and walls. It's simple with a small double bed on one side of the room and a sink located next to a small wardrobe on the other side.

"Its...cosy." I say, coughing as dust enters my nose.

"Nothing like you're used to right Princess?" Haymitch mutters and I shoot him a glare even though I can't help to agree with him. I had always grown up surrounded by luxury which was only increased rapidly when I got the job as an escort.

I step into the room and observe the surroundings. It's nothing that I, Effie Trinket Beauty school Panem national level 7 achiever and mastery diploma, could not work with. I could cut up some of my old dresses fabrics and drape them around to create a romantic atmosphere. I could put some wallpaper on the walls. These thoughts are the only things right now that aren't dampening my mood.

"Geez Princess, what have you got in here." Haymitch groans as he struggles to fit the two large suitcases I had brought with me, through the door. "I think you have to be the only person that actually brought a whole clothing shop with them."

I roll my eyes at his words. "Well what was I supposed to wear when I got here?" I argue. "I will never be seen in...those." I say, eyeing the few grey clothes that had been laid out on the bed. "I would actually look the _same _as everyone else Haymitch!"

"I don't think people would appreciate you walking around all Capitol dolled up. Not when they hate your people's guts." He says, finally managing to push the suitcases through the door.

I falter slightly. They wouldn't actually hate me because of how I looked...would they? Of course I saw the looks thrown my way as I had walked into District 13 but I had that pinned for just curiosity. The Capitol's new trends probably hadn't came out when District 13 was still in function with everyone else and they probably had no idea that white foundation and wigs were the new thing.

I inspect my appearance in the chipped mirror on top of the sink, touching my new purple wig tenderly. I think it looks fabulous so obviously they must too.

Haymitch eyes me while I do this but chooses to say nothing. "I have to report to Coin." He tells me after making sure the suitcases were secure.

I frown. "Already? But we just got here."

He shrugs. "There is a lot that needs to be done. And as I am chief strategist I need to get started all the way. You won't be seeing much of me these next few months."

"Oh." I mutter. "Well I guess I'll just be unpacking then."

He sighs. "Sorry I can't help you. Two suitcases the size of Panem must not be easy to unpack by yourself."

"As if I'd let you help me if you could." I retort back, wincing at the very idea of Haymitch unpacking. It would probably end up unordered and worse...not colour co-ordinated! "Anyway only one of the suitcases are filled with clothes. The other one is for shoes, make-up and beauty tools...seriously Haymitch."

He gaps at me before rolling his eyes. "Yeah, whatever." He hesitates, his eyes flashing downwards to my stomach for a split second. "I'll see you later yeah? Stay alive for me."

"Haymitch-" I begin to say but he is gone before I can finish.

I sigh, flopping down onto the bed, my hands resting upon my currently still flat stomach. Because it was flat he could pretend for a while that there wasn't a baby growing in there. Would he leave me to do this by myself? Have a baby? During a war?

Its only then that it registers to me that I am in charge of another human beings life. If anything was to happen to me then that would kill the baby also. I feel the shivers start at the bottom of my spine as the fear rests upon my heart. "I'll look after you baby." I whisper, stroking my stomach. Its silly because it can't be bigger than a finger nail at this moment but I already love the life that's growing inside of me. I wish Haymitch could to...

I spend the rest of the afternoon unpacking, trying to somehow use the small closet space we have been given. I unpack the outfits that I had packed for Haymitch first before laying out my own Capitol outfits.

Haymitch was right. I couldn't walk around the way I am because then people would maybe see me as a threat and I wouldn't want the baby or Haymitch to get hurt because of me. I take out the pink box that contain my beauty tools and set to work, cutting, stitching and sowing. This is how Haymitch finds me when he returns, on the floor sowing up a red dress.

"What in Panem, are you doing?" He asks, watching me.

"Well you said that I can't just walk around all Capitol dolled up," I begin to explain. "So I've decided to downplay a few of the outfits I brought. I know its not much but-"

"But you still want to look different to everyone else. You still want the bright colours and the ridiculous shiny things-"

"_Sequins._"

"Yeah Seqaucks." He says.

"Why is it so hard for you to say Sequins?"

"Why do you want to shine like a disco ball?"

I roll my eyes. "How did it go with Coin?" I ask.

He sighs. "Fine. She can be a real bit-"

"Haymitch!"

"Can't lie." He growls. "I don't know how much I can take of her but whatever will help the rebellion I guess."

"I think she likes you." I say nonchalantly, making a face. "She was jealous wasn't she? On the hover craft."

He shrugs. "Maybe she was. Why are you not in bed anyway? Its almost 2 am."

I gasp loudly. "Oh! I didn't realize it'll get so late. Can you help me put all this stuff away? On seconds thought, nevermind."

I pack the outfits away, glad that I had managed to sort out a few of them already. I put my beauty tools back in the box carefully, making sure everything is ordered and easy to find. I clean up the scraps of fabric and Haymitch literally has to haul me away before I start scrubbing everything in a mile radius.

"Here." I say handing him his Pj bottoms, knowing that he likes to sleep topless.

He raises an eyebrow. "You brought my clothes."

"Of course I did." I say, shaking my head. "What kind of wife would I be if I didn't?" I smile at him and his normally guarded look softens.

I opt for just sleeping in my underwear and I throw one of Haymitch's tops over me. Its large and brushes past my mid thighs and it smells like home to me. "I love it when you wear my clothes." Haymitch says, grabbing me by the hips to pull me towards him.

"Oh no you don't." I laugh as I push him onto the bed. "Sleep." I command, switching off the light and he chuckles settling down to give me enough space to slide in.

We both lie on our backs and for a few minutes, we just watch each other. One of my hands are linked with his while the other strokes my stomach.

"I'm not ready for a kid." Haymitch mutters after a short while.

I tense up. "Please don't ask me to get rid of it." I whisper, my eyes closing tightly.

"I would never do that Eff." He says, propping his fingers under my chin. His touch makes me open my eyes and he gives me a sad smile. "Another addition to our family. I...I like the sound of that."

Our heads meet each other in the darkness and we kiss softly. "We'll be the best parents." I say. "We'll spoil the little darling rotten."

"And you're going to get fat."

"Haymitch!"

* * *

"Urblup" Is the sound that wretches out of my mouth as I throw up in the sink the next morning. I woke to an empty bed but its only around 7 am. It isn't fair that Haymitch came back so late and is up so early to work for Coin once again. Now there is no one here to pity me...as if he would if was here anyway.

Finally the vomit stops and I pull back, heaving loudly for a couple of minutes. I wash out the vomit from the sink when the dry heaving stops, shove a shower cap over my hair and set out to find somewhere to shower.

The showers are minuscule and there is already a line to the women's showers by the time I get there. I am disappointed to find that the water is cold forcing me to take a rushed shower which I guess was there intentions in the first place.

I run back to my bunker, not wanting to be seen by too many people in just a towel even if the towel itself pretty much swallows me up and is extremely fluffy. I pull out the outfit I had chosen to wear for that day, a purple dress with butterflies on the belt, 8 inch heels and my purple wig. It takes me only 30 minutes to apply my make up as I try to stay true to my word and cut down.

When I venture out of the bunker, people are out and about running in all sorts of directions. All seeming to have a purpose unlike me. The dirty looks are back to my surprise and I find myself walking slightly hunched over with almost...shame? How can these people judge me without even knowing me.

"Capitol scum." Someone mutters, shoving against my shoulder. I gasp in shock as I loose my footing, automatically reaching out to grab onto something which ends up being another person.

"I'm so sorry." I apologise, straightening myself up while vigorously rubbing at my watering eyes.

"No worries dear." A slightly familiar voice says and I look up to see Mrs Everdeen smiling softly at me.

"Mrs Everdeen!" I cry, happy to find someone that I know. "How are you?"

"I'm good thank you Miss Trinket." She says.

"Oh please call me Effie!"

She simply nods at this with another brief smile. Mrs Everdeen is completely the opposite of Katniss, blonde, well-spoken for-bless Katniss' bad choices for words-and quiet. She also must be good with people as Katniss had once said something about her being the District's healer. Hold on...

"Mrs Everdeen!" I call out to her and she pauses.

"Yes...Effie?"

I hesitate, biting my lips. "You don't perhaps know anything about babies do you?" I ask quietly.

She raises her brows. "I hope so, I've delivered quite a few."

I let out a breath of relief. "Great. Are you free?"

She quickly checks her forearm for some reason before she nods at me.

* * *

"Okay breathe in." She instructs me, pressing against my stomach. "And then out again. Good. Well Effie you seem healthy enough. Your weight is good and by your symptoms I would say you around a month along."

I gasp. "A month? How did it take me so long to realize!"

"It takes a while for us to react to the changes our body is going through. And your body is about to go through many changes. From the sounds of it, it seems like morning sickness will be a big problem for you."

I grimace. "Great. Does District 13 have any equipment to check on the baby?" I ask.

She nods. "Yes they have a small hospital here and I think one of the rooms contain ultrasound equipment. I'll get you an appointment with the Doctor if you would like? Dr Evans I believe it to be."

"Oh, that would be amazing. Thank you Mrs Everdeen." I smile as I sit up, rolling my dress down. "How is Katniss doing?"

She sighs, softly. "Not very well."

"Peeta?"

"Yes." She mutters and I look down guiltily. They hadn't been able to get Peeta out of the arena in time and he was captured by the Capitol. I wish I could go see Katniss but I doubt I will be someone that she really wants to see right now. From what Haymitch told me, she didn't even want to see him right now let alone a visual reminder of the Capitol.

"Give her my love for me." I say, reaching out to squeeze Miss Everdeen's hand hoping the action is reassuring. She looks at me in surprise but nods, a ad smile on her face. After a few more pointers, she leaves promising to set me up an appointment for next week and to check on me as much as she could.

I end up staying in my room all day, sewing up a few of Haymitch's shirts and socks. I try to head out during the lunch time but the looks that I get are too much for me to bare. I eat some of the dried fruit and crackers that I had packed ignoring the empty pit in my stomach.

Haymitch bursts through the door late in the night and eyes me from where I am, sitting cross legged on the bed waiting for him. I throw my self at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. "Haymitch!"

"Woah there!" He yelps, catching me by the waist.

"I've missed you." I say, pulling back to look at his face.

His grim expression softens at these words. "Have you even ventured out of this room Effie?" He asks carrying me over to the bed. He flips me onto it making me giggle.

"In the morning to shower. Oh, I bumped into Mrs Everdeen and she checked on the baby." I tell him which rises up a bit of interest in him.

"Really?" He asks, flopping down beside me on the bed.

I nod. "She thinks I am about a month along." I say, rubbing my stomach. "And she's booking me an appointment with the childbirth doctor here for next week."

He glances to my stomach. "That's...great. What about lunch?" I hesitate. "Dinner?" I shake my head. "Effie..."

"People look at me weirdly. And they call me names."

He frowns. "Like what?"

"Capitol scum." I pause "Whore." He sighs, banging his head against the bed. "Its because of how I look isn't it?"

He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me to him and I rest my head on his chest. "You shouldn't have to change yourself for them Eff."

"I won't...but I guess some stuff has to go if I can even walk around here." I say, trying to be my usual chirpy self. "Speaking of that this place is busier then I thought it would be. Everyone seems to have something to do."

"That's because Coin makes sure that everyone has something to do." Haymitch says. "They have machines that ink on people's schedules everyday. They have classes here for kids and adults, anything from gun control to healing."

That explained why Mrs Everdeen looked at her forearm earlier on. She must have been checking her schedule to see if she had anything on. "How come I haven't been told any of this? Or given anything to do?" I frown.

"That, Princess, is because Coin makes sure you don't have anything. She says she doesn't think you have anything to offer but I think its just because she doesn't want to see you around. Maybe hopes you'll end up starving yourself to death in this room."

"I was right then." I exclaim, the frustration raising up. "She does like you."

"Where the heck did you get a conclusion like that from."

"She doesn't want me around you." I whine. "Maybe she thinks our marriage will fall apart if we spend less time together." I could feel my eyes narrowing at the thought.

Haymitch stares at me before he lurches forward causing me to sequel in surprise. I can't stop the loud laughs that escape my mouth as we tumble around on the bed, trying to win one over each other. In the end someone knocks loudly on the wall and we stop, with me having to hold my hand against my mouth to try and stop the giggles.

Haymitch smirks at me. "You're the only woman I will ever think about."

I shove his shoulder playfully. "I better be." I smile.

"I'll talk to Coin, alright? I'm sure I can find you something to do. And you have to eat Princess. If not for yourself then for that thing." He says, pointing at my stomach.

I raise an eyebrow. "Excuse me? Did you just say our baby "_that thing"_"

"Urm..."

"Go to sleep."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! I just want to thank you guys for your reviews, follows and support so far, I really appreciate it! I also apologise for not updating in a while and hope that you are still looking out for this story. **

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 3

"They hate me?"

"That's not true..."

"It has to be." I mutter, leaning back in my chair. "The looks. First because I am from the Capitol but now because I _don't do anything_?"

Mrs Everdeen sighs as she bandages up an unconscious patient. "I guess so."

"Coin doesn't let me do anything!" I exclaim. "Maybe that's why."

"Either that or she doesn't trust you." She says, not looking up from her work. Over a month has passed since I first stepped foot into thirteen and everyone has been extremely busy helping out with the war. Everyone but me that is. I haven't been able to make very many friends here with my Capitol status and I only really talk to Haymitch and Mrs Everdeen, and on occasion Prim gives me a small hello.

"I guess she has a reason to with all that she assumes about the Capitol." I sigh. "I just wish I was doing _something." _

"You are." Mrs Everdeen says with a small smile. "You are becoming a mother and encountering the changes happening to your body."

"Don't remind me." I groan out. "I've been throwing up almost everyday these past two weeks. And I've been having the weirdest craving." Which has been painful as food here is at a shortage and very limited in variety.

She chuckles. "The first trimester can always be the must challenging for women. But I am sure as you progress, you will find it to become easier."

I give her a look. "We'll see about that when I start labour." I say.

"How is Haymitch taking this?"

I frown. "In a very...Haymitch way. He doesn't really mention the baby much." I have already guessed that it was something to do with his family. Maybe he didn't want to get his hopes up to much? Or maybe he just generally isn't interested? I might be married to the guy but that didn't make him any easier to read.

"You know Effie," Mrs Everdeen starts to say as she takes off the hospital gloves she is wearing. "If you would like something to do, you should just go straight to President Coin and ask for it."

I consider this for a little while before nodding. "Your right. Does she have an office of some sorts?" I ask.

"No, she is mostly in the command office with all the main leaders. I'm guessing that's where Haymitch will be."

I nod. "I'll go there straight now!" I say, jumping up from my seat.

"Effie!" Mrs Everdeen calls before I get too far. I turn around to face her. "You should...probably change."

"Oh! Too much eyeliner?"

"Just a tad dear."

CUT

I try to downsize as much as I can when I change. I plait my long hair into a goddess crown around my head, using pins to keep it in place. I do wish I had some fresh flowers to attach to my hair but I try not to dwell too much on the thoughts of anything fresh in case I start to long for the air outside and the sun on my skin.

I put on a flowy red dress that I had just finished sowing up and my signature heals wearing though only 8 inch ones. I wash most of the make up off my face but there is not much I can do with my extremely-but fashionable of course-long eyelashes considering their fake and a permanent medical procedure that cost me over a 10,000 coins.

I trudge my way over to the command office, not getting too many looks as my capitol appearance is mostly gone save for the splashes of colour that I am compared to the other grey outfits of District 13. A few guards stand outside the office who eye me cautiously as I draw near.

"Can we help you Miss?" One of them asks.

I clear my throat. "I am here to see President Coin." I say, firmly.

"I'm sorry but we cannot allow that." He says.

I frown. "And why not?"

"The President is busy with pressing issues."

I roll my eyes. Busy my wigs! Haymitch tells me that most of the time nothing interesting happens during his ridiculous strategic work hours that he is forced to do. "And those pressing issues would be?"

"We cannot allow you in Miss. Urm...are you okay Miss, your eye seems to be twitching?"

"My husband is in there." I say as a final attempt. "He uh, called to tell me something."

The guard gives me a weird look. "And your husband would be?"

"Haymitch Abernathy."

At this, all of the guards stare at me. "Oh! You should have mentioned sooner Miss. Your husband did give us orders to let you in if the time was ever needed." I smile, feeling my heart swell at these words.

The guards move aside to give me way and I swallow any anxiety that I am feeling and open the door.

The command room is, to be frank, huge with a massive table in the middle of it which is surrounded by chairs. Its bigger than the dining place they have here, panem's sake! The chairs are occupied with various people, who I assume to be leaders due to their stances and the older, wiser look they have to them. All around the room are maps with darts stuck on them and paper covering every surface.

Everyone seems to stare at me as I enter the room which does nothing to calm my nerves. I gaze around the table and hurriedly make my way over to Haymitch when I spot him.

"What are you doing here?" He asks with a frown, glancing towards Coin. The President doesn't look very happy to see me and I can almost feel the daggers she is more or else imagining throwing into my back.

"There must be something I can do. To help." I say to him, straightening out my dress. "I can't just be sitting around while a rebellion is going on. People are starting to talk Haymitch!"

He sighs. "Yeah I know. I think the kitchens might have a place for you-"

"That really won't be necessary Commander Abernathy." Coin's voice slices through. "All the roles are filled up."

Haymitch glares at her. "You always say so yourself _Coin, _there is always something to do."

She raises an eyebrow. "And you think I will trust her with anything? You really think some _thing _from the Capitol can be of any assistance here what so ever?"

Haymitch automatically moves to stand up, his chair scraping loudly. I grip his forearm tightly to stop him. 'Oh dear, this is going to turn into a scene!' Is all I can think.

"The fuc-"

"President," A man interrupts Haymitch's soon to be obscene choice of words. "I'm sure there is something she could do."

"I agree with Boggs." Pultarch adds in. I look at him in shock, not seeing him when I first came in. "Effie is an absolute darling. I know she would never give any of our plans away to the enemy and you were just saying that there were too many old documents lying around. Perhaps Effie can be of assistance in shredding these documents and organising things around here a bit more. She is excellent with those schedules."

I smile both thankfully and proudly at Pultarch's words. Organisation was something that would suite me just fine. "Oh Panem, please don't bring back those damn schedules." Haymitch grumbled.

I frown. "What are wrong with my schedules?"

"Nothing. Just that you get ridiculously obsessed with them."

"I do no such thing." I say quickly but I can already feel the excitement bubbling in me at the prospect of having a schedule again. "I would be honoured to help organise your work, President Coin." I address her, hopefully.

Coin's lips are pressed tightly together but after an encouraging pat on the shoulder from the man who spoke for me-Boggs-she nods.

I grin. "Great! When should I start?"

"Now." She commands. "Over there is a whole bunch of letters that need shredding." She says, pointing over to an extremely large pile of sheets of paper beside an old, rusty shredder. "The shredder jams every once and a while. After that, you can get started filing some of the more useful older documents."

I nod, determined to get this done. I glance at Haymitch who seems to be busy reading some kind of strategic book. "Can you..."

He rolls his eyes. "Come on then Princess." He says and I smile gratefully as he grabs his chair and walks over to the shredder with me.

I start my shredding as he reads the book every once in a while jotting down some pointers or barking an order to someone across the room. The shredder did jam quite a lot as Coin said it would and I have to keep getting Haymitch to hit it with his forearms so that it would start to work again.

The job in itself is not very exciting but the shredder is in the corner away from everyone else and I enjoy the time that I have with Haymitch.

"I haven't seen you much this week." I comment after we have settled into a routine.

"Yep." Haymitch says, jotting down another note. "Sorry about that. We're just about to try and take over District 9 so I have been needed a lot here."

I nod, smiling at him. He looks so professional and determined doing what he is doing and I feel my heart flare up with pride. "You're doing great here" I say, with a small smile.

"You miss me." He says, more of a statement then anything else.

I sigh. "Of course I do."

He frowns but I wave him off. "Don't worry about it, Haymitch. A rebellion is a lot more important than a clingy wife." I tell him trying to joke about it. "But I do miss you. A lot."

He sighs, "I'll try and get more time off Eff." He says honestly which makes me smile.

"Do you like my dress?" I ask him after a short silence, twirling around cheesily.

He chuckles. "Its nice. You look normal for once apart from the ridiculously long eye lashes and those weapons." He says, nodding to my shoes.

I roll my eyes. "Haymitch, their heals. There meant to make my legs look better and make me taller!" I say. "Would you rather a 5'2 wife that you would only be able to kiss on the forehead?"

"You legs look good with or without them Princess. And I kiss you just fine without them too." He wiggles his eyebrows at me making me giggle.

I hear a throat being cleared across the room. "There is work to be done Miss Trinket-"

"Mrs Abernathy."

"Yes, I know." Coin says, her teeth clenched tightly together. "This is not a social club."

"Yes President. Sorry." I say quickly before Haymitch has a chance to say something else. And Panem knows that's the last thing we need right now.

CUT

At dinner, everyone takes a break and I manage to squeeze in a seat next to Haymitch at the leader's table much to the glares of Coin and the others.

"How long have you and Haymitch been married, Mrs Abernathy?" A woman asks me from across the table.

"A little after 3 years." I tell the kindly woman with a smile. "And please call me Effie."

She grins. "Ah the earlier years are some of the most challenging. Me and my husband have been married for almost 15 years now."

"Oh, you are married?" I say in surprise before flushing. "Forgive me, that sounds..."

She nods. "Not to worry dear, not many leaders get married as the planning for the rebellion took away any time to find spouses. Me and Richard we're lucky that we managed to marry beforehand." She says, patting the knee of a man besides her who pauses in his own conversation to squeeze her hand and smile at her.

I can't help but squeal at how cute they are which makes Haymitch pause in his own conversation to roll his eyes. Am I the only one who is stuck with a very unromantic sod of a husband?

"I'm Sarah by the way." She introduces herself, sticking out a small hand at me which I shook. Sarah and her husband both seem to be in their late forties and the toll of the rebellion and soon to be war is very evident on both of their faces. They both have light brown hair which is greying and like everyone else in district 13, very pale skin from lack of sunlight. Sarah's smile is the warmest that I have seen though and I find it reflecting on myself.

"I am pleasured to meet you." I smile.

"Likewise." She says. "I was very surprised to find out that one had managed to nab himself a wife. And a sweet, capitol lady like yourself."

"Oh trust me I ask myself the same question. He has about as much romance as a dead slug."

"Hey!" Haymitch exclaims, turning towards us. "I have ears, I can hear you two."

"Oh have no worries dear, he will learn." Sarah's eyes twinkle at me. "When I fell in love with my husband, it was like falling in love with a brick wall. No charisma whatsoever!"

"Now there," Richard also buts in. "That was only because you were like a bullet when we met. Expected too much and had so much energy, I just couldn't keep up."

"I can relate to that." Haymitch says, looking at Richard in shock. "I can really relate to that."

In the next two weeks, I find working at the command room more enjoyable being able to chat a little with Sarah. However, like Haymitch, Sarah is also a big part in the rebellion in the supplies department so I am mostly left alone.

Time is passing pleasantly though until I have to run out of the room one morning to throw up.

I clench the toilet as I dry heave when nothing is left inside me to throw up. I feel a hand rubbing my back and knowing it has to be Haymitch, I pull back into him. His strong arms encircle me. "Eff?"

"I'm...fine...just...morning..sickness." I say, gripping his arms for support. He rubs my stomach lightly, going slower every time he passes over my small, just about growing baby bump.

"Do you dry heave like this everyday?" I Shake my head. "You should be taking it easy." He says to me. "Its not good for you to be doing so much work."

I pull back to look at him, giving him a reassuring smile. "Haymitch, I've only been working there for two weeks. I'm fine! Now lets get back before Coin gets angry at you for being away for too long." I say and he gives in, helping me up.

We walk back into the command room and eyes are on me, obviously wondering what all the commotion was. I am not surprised though. The people of District 13 have been running a rebellion for years now which I am sure has managed to put every single one of them on edge about even the smallest things.

"Is everything okay Commander Haymitch?" Coin asks completely ignoring the fact that I was the one who ran out of the room.

"Everything is fine, President." I answer for him after his response of a short grunt. "Baby just wasn't too happy today." I say, caressing my stomach.

"Your pregnant?!" Sarah exclaims from the other side of the room.

I nod, grinning. "12 weeks along now." I tell her.

"Oh wonderful! Richard, didn't I tell you she was glowing? Didn't I?!"

"You did dear."

"Oh, Haymitch how lucky you are." She says. "What I would do for a baby."

"You very well know Soldier Sarah that there is no time for children." Coin says, harshly.

Sarah glances down, her shoulders sagging. "Yes President Coin. I'm too old anyway." She whispers the last bit so quietly that I almost don't catch it from where I am. Richard puts an arm around her waist, pulling her towards him and she looks up to smile sadly at him.

"Does anyone else want to leave the rebellion and go fend for themselves with a wife, husband and children?" Coin barks. "No? Didn't think so. Now everyone, back to work."

I stare at the president in shock before Haymitch, wraps an arm around me, pulling me away and back to the shredder. I turn to catch Sarah's eye mouthing a quick 'I am sorry' to her and she only shakes her head, eyes twinkling dimly at me.

I feel my own shoulders sag but when I look up to Haymitch for support, he looks away.

CUT

He lies further away from me that night when he finally comes in from the rebellion work. I feel my eyes prickle as the confusion rests in my gut. What could I have possibly done? I wrack my brain through the day thinking of everything that has happened. Woke up, had breakfast, threw up, work, went to sleep. I couldn't think of anything that could have annoyed him.

Yet as I stroke my stomach, it comes to me. He probably didn't want people to know.

Haymitch had been hesitant to marry me with a priest because even though he respected my beliefs as a Jesus follower, he didn't want anyone to know because he was afraid I would be taken from him. Ever since his family were killed by the dreaded President Snow, he didn't take chances in loving anyone so when he decided to love me, I felt so blessed.

Did he feel the same way about the baby? I should talk to him about it, shouldn't I? I turn in the bed, ready to pour out my heart and hope for something in return when I feel the warmth seeping from my legs.

Oh dear! Oh no! Have I wet myself? I thought that was only a symptom that appeared months later in the pregnancy1 I feel the redness appear on my cheeks, glancing at Haymitch. While I knew my husband would be understanding, I wouldn't hear the end of it!

I subtly try to push the blankets to the side to look down at the sheets. Their were soaked through but not with urine.

My body froze in terror. "Haymitch..." I whisper.

The blood travels down my legs and unto the sheets and the sight of it all is just way too much for me. I hear a scream wretch from somewhere and I takes me a while to realize it was me.

"Effie!" Haymitch is immediately to my side, grabbing my arm. "Eff?"

"Haymitch." I scream again, kicking the blankets off me.

He stares at the blood on the sheets before looking at me, his eyes filled with an emotion that I have never seen before. Dread. "Shit!" He leaps out of the bed and scoops me up in his arms.

I grip his neck tightly as he runs out of the door and down the corridor, on the now familiar path to the hospital where I have two check ins on the baby every month. The hospital is small and they barely have any stable equipment. They couldn't save my baby even if they tried to.

"Haymitch, I'm tired."

"Don't say that. Stay with me baby, you have to stay with me." He begs as he runs faster.

And I try, Panem, I try! I cry and I pray and I try but the darkness feels too good by the time he arrives at the hospital.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, here is the fourth chapter! To the reviews from Guest(s) thank you so much for all your support, its really helped to push me forward! Please do review guys as it does give me more inspiration knowing people are actually reading AND enjoying this story. **

**Hope you like it! **

**Kim**

Chapter 4

I wake up to a loud beeping, my eyes flickering heavily against my skin. The bright light burns my eyes and I have to shut them again quickly before I can bare to try and open them again. My throat is on fire as I try to swallow and my lips feel crackly under my tongue.

What happened to me.

I glance around the room to find that the source of the loud beeping is in fact a heart monitoring machine and I myself is in the hospital room. The memories from last night come flooding back to me and I let out a gasp, my arms moving to wrap themselves around my stomach.

"Don't move." A voice commands me and I turn to see Haymitch slumped in the chair beside my bed. The dark circles under his eyes are more evident than normal and he watches me with cautiousness.

"Haymitch." I manage to rasp out, reaching out towards him. He lets me take his hand and I clench it tightly. He moves out of his chair towards my bed, pressing his head against my chest and at first I am confused by this action until I feel him shaking slightly.

"I thought I lost you." He whispers, his voice clouded with raw emotion. I feel my own eyes prickle with tears as I wrap my arms around Haymitch, breathing him in. His normal scent seems to have been taken away by the sterile, plain soapy scent of District 13 but underneath it all are the faint traces of cologne and whiskey.

"I'm here. I love you. I'm here." The whole thing seems so surreal to me. "Haymitch, the baby-"

"Is okay." He interrupts, pulling away from me. "Barely but the little thing is okay. We've got ourselves a survivor." I let out a breath of relief and the happiness I feel at that moment stops me from even chiding Haymitch at once again calling our baby a thing.

"Thank you, God." I pray, clenching my hand against my chest tightly. All this has knocked the breathe out of me and it takes all my will power not to slump into the bed tiredly.

"You are very lucky, Mrs Abernathy." A voice says and I turn to see Dr Evans enter the room, clipboard by her side. The slightly elderly woman has her lips pressed together firmly and the familiar constantly tired expression on her pixie-like face."You would have definitely lost your baby last night if it wasn't for some unknown miracle."

"What caused it Doctor?" I ask.

Dr Evans frowned. "I'm afraid it was from a lack of nutrients. You are in your third trimester and your baby needs a lot of protein and specific nutrients to grow. Frankly, you haven't been eating enough Mrs Abernathy."

"Why haven't you been eating?" Haymitch asks, frowning.

I glance down. "I don't like going in the cafeteria without you."

He sighs, leaning back into his chair. "Eff..."

"I know, I know. Its just hard."

Dr Evans pats my hand gently. "If things come to the worst Mrs Abernathy, I can get your meals delivered to your room for you."

I frown at this. It sounds pathetically weak to have to get my meals delivered simply because I couldn't stand to be around people who liked to call me names. At the same time though, the option was very appealing to me and I could feel the relief course through me.

Haymitch, reading my expression, answers for me. "We'll take that option. Although, I doubt Coin will be happy with it."

"You let me handle President Coin, Commander Abernathy." Dr Evans says, her eyes narrowing softly. I guess even some District 13 residents haven't taken a liking to the President here.

Dr Evans gives me another check up before handing me some painkilling medication and telling me I would be free to go after spending another night in the hospital, just in case of any complications.

"Coin won't let you stay with me all day will she?" I ask Haymitch once she is gone.

He shakes his head. "I'm lucky she hasn't sent a search party yet. Dr Evans has kept what happened on the down low so I don't think Coin even knows where I am right now. That will probably change pretty soon."

I hum in agreement, stroking my growing stomach softly. "Boy or girl?" I turn to Haymitch with a soft, sad smile.

He raises an eyebrow before shrugging. "Boy."

"Really? Why?"

"Me and my father always had a good relationship." He says. "He had a good one with my little brother too. I want that with a son of my own, teach how to build things and make houses. But if you had a girl, I wouldn't mind. As long as its not a mini you, of course as I don't think I'd survive two of you."

I roll my eyes, shoving his shoulder playfully. His dry humour though has a put a grin on my face and I am grateful towards him for this. "I would love a girl." I say, wistfully. "Someone to dress up, put wigs on-"

"Panem, no."

I shove him once again, grinning. "Please don't leave me to do this alone." I murmur, stroking my stomach softly.

He frowns. "Effie, I made a vow didn't I? I will never leave you or this baby. Ever." He says.

I feel the familiar feeling of my heart racing as he looks at me and even though I know its a lie, I tell myself that everything is going to be okay. "If its a boy we can name him Alfie after your little brother. Or Thatcher after your dad."

He raises an eyebrow. "You don't have to do that Princess. I know how uptight you Capitol lot are about your names, you probably want something long and completely unnecessary."

"He can have a long and completely unnecessary name for his middle name. I don't mind." I say and while at first I think I might regret this decision, the smile Haymitch gives me right then is worth it all.

* * *

"Oh, Effie. I should have noticed." Mrs Everdeen says, a hand pressed over her mouth. We are sat in her family bunker drinking cups of lukewarm tea as I tell her about what happened the previous two nights ago. "I should have noticed you weren't eating enough!"

"Its quite alright, Mrs Everdeen." I tell her, a protective hand on my stomach. "He or she is a fighter. And now I know, I'll be more aware of what I do now. I can't lose my baby."

She nods. "Losing a baby is a very traumatic thing." She says, her eyes glazing over and while the question is on my lips, filled to the brim with curiousity, I resist saying anything. Has Mrs Everdeen had a miscarriage before?

The door to the bunker opens and I look towards the incomer, expecting it to be Prim. Instead I am surprised to see myself face to face with Katniss.

Haymitch wasn't lying when he told me about how badly she was doing. The dark circles under her eyes were a give away to night terrors and overall she was a lot skinnier than when I had last saw her.

Her gaze is surprised and calculating as she notices me. I smile gently at her. "Oh Katniss." I say, standing up to place my hands on both of her shoulders.

"Effie, hi." She says with a sad smile.

"How are you doing?" I ask her, frowning slightly. "I would have come to see you sooner but I was told not to."

She nods once in what I think is appreciation. "I'm okay." She says. My heart cracks all over for my victor who stands broken before me. I knew that most of the cause is probably to do with Peeta. She really must love him though to be acting the way she was towards his capture. I try to not dwell too much on the thought of my other, captured victor in case I start tearing up. "You and Haymitch, huh?"

I put on a smile. "Are you surprised?" I ask.

She shrugs. "Me and Peeta expected it once but we had no idea that you would be married to him." _We. _"I thought you had a hatred for his lack manners."

"I do, they are despicable! But he is mine and I am his." I smile. "But I must dash. Thank you for the tea Mrs Everdeen." I say, smiling at my new friend who smiles tentatively back at me.

"Do not worry Effie. I'll come by tomorrow to check on you." She says and I tell her how grateful I am for all the problem she is going through.

"Katniss, I believe you." I say to her before I walk out. "I believe that he is still alive. And Haymitch does as well, I know he does!"

Katniss looks at me in surprise before smiling sadly at me. "Thank you Effie. Its...nice to know you are still such an optimistic." She says and I chuckle.

Effie Abernathy, the optimistic.

* * *

The next day, Haymitch manages to convince Coin to give me a week break off of the organisation team-in other words, me-to recover from both the shock and loss of strength. She grumbles but ends up accepting and while I feel ashamed to be off of work so soon to when I've began, I'm grateful towards Haymitch for all we went through just to get me this break.

At first, I was worried that I would end up being too bored and waiting for Haymitch to come back as before but there were some good days. Like today where Sarah wasn't needed to check supply loads so we took a walk around the District together.

"Here is the school for the little ones." She says, pointing towards a door that closed off a large room from everywhere else.

I raise an eyebrow. "Its fairly small to be a school." I comment.

She sighs. "Ah yes, we don't get very many children here at District 13. We are a growing population but we are very small."

"Sarah, forgive me if I am prying." I bite my lip cautiously. "But you mentioned something that caught my attention back in the command room a few days ago."

She smiles softly. "I'm guessing this is something to do with not having children."

I nod. "Does President Coin not allow you to have children?"

"President Coin doesn't allow very many things." She says, sighing. "Children are just the tip of the iceberg. Remember when I told you how lucky Richard and I were because we had been married before joining the rebellion? Well sadly, we were young back then and we didn't have any children yet. She says that children and marriages are a distraction from the cause and while I agree with her, I wish..." She trails off, letting out a breath loosely. "But it's harmful to wish."

I frown. "It is not. It is not harmful to wish and its definitely not harmful to hope. Or have faith." She shakes her head at my words and I sigh. "Sarah, do you think there would be a rebellion in the first place if the people didn't hope?"

"No." She says, her eyes dimly shine at me, glistened with what looks like lifetimes of held back tears. "But all my hope is gone Effie. How can I be a good wife to Richard when we don't have that aspect of a child that links us even more together? How can I be a..a woman if I can't do what women do best, be a mother?"

"Surely he loves you without needing a child?"

"He does." She says, sighing. "Oh, he so unconditionally does but I can't love myself."

I don't know what to say at this moment but I do link my arm around hers to offer some sort of support. "Maybe after the rebellion?" I encourage.

She chuckles. "Oh dear, I am way to old to concieve now." She says, shaking her head. "I've already...stopped menstruating."

"My mother wasn't menstruating when she conceived me." I tell her, "In fact, after she had a spear thrown at her during the games that pieced her stomach, Doctors said she wouldn't even be able to conceive."

"During the games?" Sarah asks me, looking shocked. "Are you saying your mother is a victor?"

I nod. "My father was the gamemaker at the time of her games." I explain. "They fell in love, got married and she stayed in the Capitol with him."

She frowns. "And Snow allowed that?"

I pause. "Well, Capitol-victor marriages are actually a little common and Snow doesn't mind as long as they are...reserved and they stayed in the Capitol. Capitol-District marriages though, he did mind."

"There were actual Capitol-District marriages?"

I nod. "Do you know Avoxes? Some of them become that way because they fell into a forbidden love. Capitol-District marriages and affairs are the bottom of the iceberg."

She hums in interest, patting my arm which is linked with hers. "You must miss your home." She says, softly.

I look at her in surprise. "Well...of course I don't miss the oppression it caused." I hurriedly say. "But I do miss the recipes. And the materials over in the Capitol."

"Materials ay?" She turns to me, the familiar twinkle in her eyes now alight with excitement. "Come with me!" She pulls me in a U-turn backwards towards a corridor opposite from the one we came from.

"Where are we going?" I ask, confused.

"The underground." She merely says and I hold myself back from mentioning that we are already-technically-underground.

Sarah leads me further down along the corridor until we reach the end of it, where a light is coming from a small room. We enter the room and my eyes practically pop out of my head from what I see.

In the room are various stalls that are run by a few women, and the set out reminds me of some of the less expensive markets back in the Capitol. On the stalls are home-made beaded jewellery, fabrics, soft materials and even make up. "The underground?"

"The underground." Sarah repeats, grinning. "This is the place where us women can go when we get a little sick and tired of the grey attire of our district. Coin doesn't really like it but she allows it and boy, does Richard like it when I come and buy some new fabrics or perfume from here."

"Buy? Like with money?" I ask, curiously.

She chuckles. "My dear, no! Mostly with trades. You give them something and you get them something back. Or with these." She pulls out a yellow, circular piece of plastic, holding it out to me. "Tokens. You can use them to replace clothes and furniture."

"A bit like a rationing system." I note and she nods.

"Exactly like a rationing system."

I walk around the room in wonder, looking through all the different stalls. The beaded necklaces and bracelets had to have been made with careful fingers and a large amount of patience. I gazed at them longingly before sighing and pulling away my eyes. I had no tokens to spend.

On one of the tables, a piece of fabric stood out to me. It was a soft, pastel pink colour and I immediately reached out for it. It felt silky underneath my fingers and I couldn't help wondering where someone could have gotten such wonderful fabric from.

"That is always a hit with the ladies." Says the woman who owns the stall, a hesitant smile on her face. "25 tokens it is."

"Its beautiful." I whisper. "Where is it from?"

"District 1." She says. "I was able to bring a load of fabrics with me when I moved here. It was mostly to sow clothes but I found a better use for them, selling them on."

I gaze at her in surprise. "You're from District 1? You've come a long way."

She snorts. "Says the Capitol barbie." She mutters and I hold back a flinch. "Born and bred. My ma tried to put me in the career school but I wasn't having it. Fled to District 13 when I had the chance, at just 15. It was hard to get here but I managed and I definitely don't regret it."

I falter at her words, letting the fabric slip from my hands and unto the table. I miss the Capitol a lot. It was my home for many years and I do miss my parents and few close friends terribly. But do

I regret making the decision to come to District 13?

As I think of Haymitch and our little child being safe from the reapings, my heart swells. As I think of the hundreads of kids who have died in the arena, my heart weaps and as I think of a life without worry, or tears or oppression, my heart alights with an unknown flame. I definitely don't regret it.

* * *

Haymitch returns to our bunker a little earlier in the evening as I am sat on the bed, fixing up a few of his shirts.

"Hey." I say, with a smile.

"Hey." He says, shutting the door behind him. "How are you?"

"I'm good, thank you. Sarah showed me the underground today." I tell him making him groan.

"I was hoping to keep that place away from you." He says and I mock frown at him.

"We couldn't afford anything from there though...could we?" I ask and he raises an eyebrow. "In fact, never-mind. How are you?"

"Annoyed." He mutters, rubbing his eyes. "Tired."

I smile sadly before pushing his shirts to the side. "Come hold me." I say and he obliges, moving to me.

I pull the covers up and crawl under them, moving to the aside to also allow him to get in. He slips in beside me and I fall into his open arms. We lie like this and I let myself just breath him in and be in his presence for once, pretending that we weren't in a war right this moment.

"Do you remember when we used to lie on your bed after dinner and just talk for hours." I say, sighing softly. "About what we would do if the games didn't exist. About our lost hopes and dreams."

He is silent for a while before he responds. "I remember."

"We'd talk the sun asleep." I whisper. "I miss that."

He runs a hand over my arm. "Me too. When this is all over we'll do that again."

"In that meadow beside the victor's village?" I ask hopefully.

"If you want." He says. "Under the stars too."

"I've never loved anyone like I love you." I say, turning to face him. "Our wedding night, that was-"

"Your first time. I know." He says. "Your beliefs?"

I nod. "Yes. But I'm glad I obeyed them because I never want to love anyone else like that." The corners of his mouth tilt upwards at this and I smile softly. "When did you fall in love with me?"

He chuckles. "I ask myself that everyday." I glare at him which only makes him chuckle again. "I liked you for a long time. Loved you though? I think it happened without me noticing it." The answer is brief but for Haymitch, I know its an honest one. I smile, content with it. "Effie...we received news from the Capitol this afternoon."

I sit up a little, my attention captured. "Really? What is the news?"

He rubs my hip lightly, frowning. "Effie, Portia and Cinna are gone."

"Gone? Gone to where? Oh, are they coming here Haymitch?" I ask excitedly. Portia and Cinna are two of the few friends that I actually have in the Capitol. I have only known them for a few years but those years were enough for me to fall deeply for the two whose designs remarkably touched a nation.

Haymitch sighs. "Effie...they're dead."

"What?"

"Snow. Snow raided the Rebel HQ Quarters in the Capitol and everyone there were tortured for information and then killed. Cinna and Portia-"

"No." I breathe out, before slamming two hands on his chest. "No. No. No. Your joking, Haymitch, that isn't fun!"

"Effie."

I slump forward into him as I struggle to control the shaking of my body. Portia. Oh sweet Portia. Sweet Portia who loved Cinna so much and probably died not being able to tell him.

"_Katniss' dress was absolutely fabulous." I say to Portia as we drink tea after everyone else had headed to bed. We had just finished watching the reruns of the chariot races. _

"_It was." She says. "Oh, Cinna is a genius. The fabric was perfect and fireproof also! He is absolutely-" _

"_Magical, I know." I laugh, squealing as she sloshes some of her tea playfully at me. "When are you going to tell him that you fancy the leather trousers off him!" I tease. _

_She chuckles at me. "When you get Haymitch to iron his shirts himself so basically-" _

_"Never!" We exclaim at the same time and she winks at me. _

Oh darling Cinna whose eyes always lingered a little too long on Katniss and then with his gentle heart, beat himself up for it later.

_He grips his glass lightly when she says her goodnights, leaving the dining room. Cinna and I are left alone by ourselves and I watch him beneath my eyelashes as he takes a gulp of his wine. "Cinna." _

"_She's a little child." He mutters. "She shouldn't be going into the arena." _

"_None of them should be." _

"_I know but not her." He says. "She's not built like a child though, is she." He groans, slamming his glass down on the table. "What's wrong with me Effie?" _

"_Nothing is wrong with you!" I say, reaching out to touch his arm softly. "Katniss is gorgeous, she really is. You can't help but notice that." _

"_Not for me though." He sighs before smiling at me and taking my hand, squeezing it lightly. I squeeze it back. _

"_Cinna," I blurt out before I can stop myself. "Portia-" _

"_I know Effie."He smiles sadly. "I know."_

Haymitch holds me and kisses me while a cry and it takes doses of this medicine to finally make me stop. "They wouldn't want you to cry for them." He whispers to me and I know that he is right but I don't cry for them. Not really. My tears aren't for their deaths or the brilliant lives they lived out but for what they could have been. The endless potential they both had that was restrained to designs for children who were about to die in the arena.

"Don't leave me. Not tonight Haymitch, _please-_"

"I won't." He promises. "They'd have to drag me out."

"I won't let them." I whisper, my eyes feeling drowsy. At that moment, I can't tell if its from the grief in my heart or the pregnancy symptoms but I suspect a bit of both.

"Sleep." He says quietly in my ear. "I'm here."

And when I wake up, his arms are still firmly around me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey ya'll! Sorry for the ridiculously slow update, my laptop has been playing up as I have been overheating it to the dozen! Thank you for your reviews, favourites and reads. Please do review and tell me what you think! **

**Enjoy, **

**Kim **

Chapter 5

"Come to the underground with me?" I beg Haymitch, at lunch. He has been given the afternoon off by the Coin a week after I am back to work. I am grateful for this ecause I don't want to be without him right now. Plus, the third trimester of my pregnancy meant my hormones were on overload, and I am badly craving the extra time with him that had been taken away by the excessive hours he is forced to do.

He pauses as he picks up his glass of water from the table, taking a sip. "No."

"Haymitch..." I whine, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Please, please, please, please-"

He rolls his eyes. "Effie, you know I _hate _shopping."

"But its not shopping as we are not buying anything! Merely...browsing."

"You said that last time when you dragged me to that ridiculously humongous 'mall' in the Capitol."

"Please Haymitch." I beg again, pouting.

He groans. "Fine. I have nothing better to do anyway."

I squeal quietly to not attract anymore attention than what we already have. After lunch is finished, we head to our bunker for a little while and relax laying on the bed before I drag Haymitch to the underground.

Its slightly more packed today as the few married women in District 13 also drag their husbands around. Haymitch and I blend in nicely as we go around the stalls, me pointing out materials and objects that I like.

"Ooh, wouldn't this look so nice hanging from the side of the wardrobe." I gush over a wooden home-made sign with the words "Live life to the fullest." scratched on them. "Oh, and this material would look so nice draped over the bed." I say, picking up a long strip of maroon cotton.

"Yep." Is all he says.

I sigh. "Haymitch, you could at least try to be interested." I chide him.

"I'm here aren't I?" He argues and I roll my eyes, looping my fingers with his.

I am about to retort when my eyes catch the soft, pink silk that I had spotted yesterday when Sarah brought me here. I quickly drag Haymitch to the stall and the woman from District 1 nods at me, busy with other costumers. "Oh Haymitch, isn't it lovely." I whisper, running it through the middle of my fingers.

"Yep." He says and I glare at him. He simply grins. "How much is it?"

"25 tokens." I tell him, still examining the magnificent fabric.

"I'll buy it for you." He offers but I shake my head.

"You don't have to. We're trying to save up for a new bed, remember." I say, sighing. The bed in our room was quite creaky and already falling apart. A new one would cost us 1000 tokens and Haymitch makes 20 tokens a day from Coin while I only made 2 tokens every other day. "Buying a piece of fabric would set us back a whole day or two's worth of work. Its not worth it."

He frowns. "Are you sure Princess?"

I nod, putting the material back.

We walk around for a good 30 minutes while I get some ideas in my head about what to do with our room. As soon as we get back to the bunker, I am on the move, taking out bits of material and my sowing kit.

Haymitch gets out an old book that Richard gave him-him being him, not able to resist a good book full of even more strategist information-and reads while I get to work.

I cut out 6 pieces of silky material from one of my old Capitol dresses in a heart shape. I sow them up together and stuff them with cotton material from another dress, creating 3 small stuffed hearts with flowery patterns on them. I spray them with some of my perfume before hanging them with ribbons on the wardrobe.

I sow together some new pillow cases using material from other dresses and Haymitch's old shirts and make my own small blanket to be folded together at the end of the bed that while its not as nice as the cotton maroon fabric I saw earlier on, I am happy with. Afterwards, I tidy up, scrub the sink and floors and French braid my hair back into a neat bun.

"You done Princess?" Haymitch asks, shutting his book as I jump onto his outstretched legs.

"Yeah. What do you think?" I ask, gesturing around the room.

He shrugs. "I guess...it seems more homely now." He notes and I smile.

"That is what I was going for. What is your book about?" I ask, curiously. "You seemed rather absorbed in it."

"Its quite interesting." He says. "A genre called 'Science-Fiction.' All about a newly structured Panem based on all sorts of technology that ends up very dystopia."

I nod, flopping down beside him. "Do you think we face a dystopia future?"

"Don't you think we've been living in dystopia already, princess?"

I frown at this but can't help to agree. I'm sure in the past, people didn't believe something as horrific as the Hunger games would exist. But covered in war and tears, I can't help not seeing a utopia future ahead of us. I don't know what it is, but something feels all too wrong about District 13 or more to it, Coin.

Glancing at Haymitch's tense expression, I wonder if he is thinking the same thing I am.

My hands travel upwards to rest on my stomach lightly. What kind of world would our child grow up in. Would it be one like the one Haymitch and I had to live in or would it be a better one. One where they could be whoever they wanted to be and do whatever they wanted to do, with no restrictions, no reapings and no fear.

"Playing on a graveyard." I whisper, my voice barely audible. Haymitch's ears catch my words though and he turns to look at me.

"What?"

"Our child. If we move back to twelve after this Haymitch, he or she'll play on a graveyard. Even if we moved to the Capitol, it'll most likely be the same."

"They won't know." He replies. "We won't tell him. Or her."

"But they'll ask questions, Haymitch." I say, urgently. "They'll learn it at school and they'll ask questions. About the games. About our past. What will tell them?"

He is silent for a while before his hands rub his eyes tiredly once again. "The truth." Is all he replies but can't he see the truth might hurt them?

The truth might sink into their hearts and twist itself into disfigured disguises of grief and fear. The truth might gnaw at their insides until they can't bare to look at the two people who gave birth to them. The truth might claw its way into their minds until every loving thought is turned into a loathe-filled one, spilling out from a bounty of betrayal.

I think of my own beloved Capitol that had done this. Of Snow that had made sure that the whole of Panem would be plunged into a never-ending blackhole that sucked away every source of happiness and replaced it with _hunger. _Hunger that was permanent, that couldn't be taken away by a piece of bread or watching a helpless child die on a screen. I can't bring myself to hate anyone for all that has happened but I can bring myself to feel the grief that attaches itself to my heart.

"Grief is healthy." Haymitch had once told me as we sat, cuddled up around each other on his sofa in front of the toasty fire. It had been a good 8 months since we were married and I had come a few weeks earlier to twelve as the 73rd games were about to start. "I didn't realise that. I drank myself to sleep every night because I didn't want to feel it, but its good. Its good to grieve."

I linked my fingers with his. "Do you miss it? All the drinking." I asked him, knowing he had tried his hardest to sober up as much as he could since we had married.

"I did at first." He muttered as I played with his fingers. "It was hell, Princess. But I've finally grieved for my-my family and my girl. I'm not over it but I know they wouldn't want me to live like that. Anyway, for you, I'd do it all over again."

My heart had been on fire by his words and I laned over to nuzzle my head in his neck when I had come out from the small flashback.

'Our child will play on a graveyard. But they'll be safe.' I think to myself. 'And I'd do this all over again just for that.'

* * *

"Effie Trinket!" A cheerful voice calls out to me and I turn my head to see Finick Ordair standing up at one of the cafeteria tables, waving at me.

I roll my eyes at this classic Finnick behaviour. I can't help rushing over to him though as I haven't seen him since he went into the third Quarter Quell. As I put down my tray opposite to his and hug him tightly, I don't even chide him for disturbing the other people who were eating their lunch. My heart always had a soft spot for Finnick.

The year I started as an escort was the year he won and after his games, he really looked up to Haymitch as his fatherly figure when mentoring. Haymitch took the young boy under his wing, teaching him all he needed to know to be a victor. When his parents were killed by Snow, Finnick had ran to Haymitch who had comforted him and-surprisingly-told him not to turn towards drinking or any outlet sources.

It became harder for Finnick to do this when as soon as he turned 18, Snow had forced him to start getting a lot more...closer to sponsors and the wealthy people of the Capitol. The poor boy got more broken and damaged every year and by looking at him, I can tell losing Annie had to be the last straw.

His smile is big and bright but it doesn't reach his eyes and his cheeks are hallow. He has lost a lot of weight like Katniss and his muscles aren't as defined as it before. I give him a pity-filled smile but I can understand. To some small, minuscule extent, I can understand what he is going through.

"I almost didn't recognise you without your Capitol persona." He grins and I chuckle.

"Ah, yes as I have been told." We both take a sit at the table and start to shovel down the food, as best as we can. "How have you been Finnick?"

He frowns. "I've been...coping. Its hard, you know?" I not, patting his hand. "I miss her so much Effie."

"I can't imagine." I whisper, shaking my head. I try to put myself in his shoes, imagining myself without Haymitch in the strange world of District Thirteen but I can't. "Are they not doing anything to rescue her? Or Peeta and Johanna?" I ask, frowning.

"They're sending out a rescue team tomorrow night." He whispers to me and I look at him in surprise.

"Really?!"

"Yep. But we don't want word to get out."

"Oh, how wonderful." I exclaim, feeling the urge in me to finally see Peeta again. And how good it will be for Katniss to be reunited with her love! Even though she is still in the common grounds of denial, everyone could see how head over heels she is for him.

He sighs, putting down his fork."Effie...we don't know what state they might be in when they are brought here. Especially Peeta. Its clear from the tapes we've seen that he has been badly tortured."

I gasp. "Tortured?! Haymitch...Haymitch didn't say he was being tortured." Then again what else would the Capitol do to find out information from poor, clueless Peeta? Sit down with him for a chat over a cup of tea? "And Annie? Has she been tortured to?"

Finnick's eyes grow sad and I regret asking him. How stupid you can be, Effie Abernathy!

His shoulders hunched over as he looked down at the table. "Annie's so far gone already." He mutters. "Hopefully they realized that before it got too much for her-" His voice cracks quietly at the end and he hastily clears his throat but I still hear it. I hear it over the noise in the canteen almost as loudly as I used to hear the cracking hearts of the oppressed in every street corner.

"It'll be okay Finnick." I say, even though none of us can be sure it will ever be okay at this moment. I reach out for him once again, stroking the back of his hand. "It'll be okay."

* * *

"I have an announcement to make." Coin says to the usual Command room team after we'd settled in for a day's work the next morning. "Plans to take over District 7 are fully commissioned and its been decided that it is time to take action."

"Take action?" A person asks from the back of the room. "In what way President?" I quietly shred in the corner, knowing that my place was not in the conversation. I couldn't help to tune in though to what was being said as my own curiosity took over me. Weren't they already taking action?

"I am sending both strategist teams and five guard teams to the front line at District 7." She replies and I stop in the midst of pulling out a new document to flick through. What did she just say?

The mummers begin quietly across the room, some filled with wonder, some with confusion and others with anger.

"District 7 will need our full commitment and co-operation. The moves we make could decide the outcome to this whole war so we need our very best minds out there." She continues, her lips pressed together tightly. I feel my nails dig into my palms, struggling to comprehend what she is saying. Frontline? Where all the fighting happens? Both strategist teams?

"Why can't they opp-orate from here?" Sarah demands from across the room, her eyes wide and glancing frequently to her husband. Oh yes, Richard was on one of the strategist teams. The same team that Haymitch was on in fact. Wait...Haymitch!

I also fly my gaze over to my husband, who sits with his jaw clenched and his stance tense. Oh no...oh no, this was not happening right now!

"Because we have no ties with District 7 therefore no means of communication. They will simply have to be sent there."

Sarah scrambles her way over to Richard who gives her a sad, defeated smile, holding out an arm to her. "No." She mutters, more to herself than anyone before raising her eyes to meet Coins. "No." She spoke more firmly.

Coin merely tipped a smooth brow at her. "You have a complaint, Soldier Sarah? I'm afraid there is nothing that can be done about."

Sarah throws her head into the crook at Richard's neck, smothering her sobs. I also quickly make my way to Haymitch, everything around me not really seeping through yet. I grip his arm desperately and him seeing the words of disagreement on the tip of my tongue, shakes his head at me.

I, Effie Abernathy, almost lost my baby. I, Effie Abernathy, lost the only close friends I have ever had and I, Effie Abernathy, might possibly lose the father to my child, the man I love.

"When?" A voice rasps out and it takes me a while to realize that its my own. I look over to meet Coin's eyes. "When do they have to leave?"

"In two days."

"_What?" _Sarah exclaims, standing abruptly from her husband's lap. "We only have two days left with them?"

"You should give us these days off." I say quickly and Coin narrows her eyes at me. "Its only fair that we get to spend time with our loved ones. And you are meant to be fair, aren't you?" I snap.

She repels backwards, her eyes masked with nonchalance that hide the anger that I know she really feels. I know she feels this because I feel it too, seeping under my skin and latching itself to my gut.

"I agree!" Sarah says. "I agree, don't you all agree?"

The people around us slowly start to nod and voice their agreements. Coin growls. "This is a matter of war-"

"This is a matter of playing with people's lives." Sarah interrupts, the spite clear on her face. "You wouldn't know that if you had anyone that you loved-" She quickly shoves her hand over her mouth but the damage has already been done.

Coin barely reacts though, only to dig her finger nails deeper into the edge of her desk. "Fine. Have the days off."

I turn to look at Haymitch who wears a grim expression on his face. "Can't you say no." I beg to him quietly. "Please Haymitch, can't you just tell her no."

"Do you trust me, Princess?" He merely asks and I frown.

"Of course-"

"Then know that I can't say no."

The answer doesn't make sense to me but I don't want to spend the only time we have left arguing. I want to spend it in his arms, laughing and crying together all at the same time.

I glance over at Sarah whose face is covered with devastation and love as her and Richard stare into each other's eyes, having a silent conversation. I just know that the same expression on her features are mirrored on my own.

Haymitch and I make our way back to our bunker and I am glad to be shut away from the rest of District Thirteen, even if it was only for a little while. We take for the bed because it was the only space we had in the small room.

We lay down together, Haymitch with his head beside my stomach. His hand moves softly over my stomach, muttering every now and again to-who I assume-the little life that is living in me.

"I love you." I say to him because I can't find any other words to pour out my feelings.

"I love you." He replies, his voice a humming on my skin as he kisses his way up my arm. "So much Eff, you don't even know."

He places his forehead against mine and I stare into the dark, grey orbs that I had come to know. I know what his eyes look like when intoxicated with various different alcoholic substances. I know what his eyes look like when they are fuelled with fire that burned from anger. And now, I know what his eyes look like when they are filled with love and for that love to be for me, I have to say I felt honoured.

Honoured and lucky that this drunkard, messed up man from District Twelve is all mine.

* * *

Today, Haymitch is leaving. I've been driving myself up the wall with repacking and rechecking his bags while he has been called away to a meeting with Coin. I can't believe Haymitch made me wait so long until allowing me to pack for him!

I put together five outfits for him to carry, with post-stick notes on each of them that tells him how to wash them properly or at least keep them clean. A regimen that I doubt he will follow but it's worth mentioning anyhow. I also packed the last packs of dried food that I had brought with me from the Capitol along with two water bottles.

I add in a blanket I had been sowing for a while that was still fray around the edges and a photo of me and him. We had taken it a week after we were married and my slightly younger self is sprawled out on a couch beside Haymitch, who holds the camera to take it. The tiredness is evident on our faces but so is the happiness. The picture makes me smile every time I look at it.

Pressing my hand against my mouth, I attempt to stop the sobs from erupting from my mouth. I zip the medium-sized bag closed and start to unzip it once again when a knock at the door stops me.

Frowning, I step over towards the door. We've never had any visitors before apart from Mrs Everdeen who I told to just enter whenever she wanted so I wonder who it could be. When I open the door, I am surprised to see Dr Evans standing there, slightly flustered.

"Dr Evans-"

"No time for questions Effie, I know Haymitch is leaving soon." She interrupts me, with a huff. "But I figured you might want to know this before he leaves."

"Know what?" I ask.

"The sex of your baby." She says with a grin.

I stare at her, the shock bubbling up inside me. Could they even find that out at such an earlier stage? I was about 4 months along and if I remember clearly, one of my acquaintances Sarah found out the sex of her baby when she was at least 7 months along!

Seeing my expression, Dr Evans quickly explains. "District 8 has many hospitals operating that Capitol people are regularly sent to when they have serious conditions. We've managed to get some of their equipment here including state of the art, new ultrasound equipment that finds out the sex of the baby prematurely due to the hormones released in the pregnancy.. I thought it would be a nice surprise for Haymitch and maybe you could also give him a picture of the baby-"

"Oh Dr Evans, thank you!" I exclaim, throwing my arms childishly around the kind woman.

"Yes, yes. Now come on, there is not much time!"

We hurry ourselves over to her room where I quickly lie down on the check up table. She brings forward a small machine and asks me to pull up my shirt. I pull it up and she squeezes some blue, gooey substance onto my stomach which makes me shiver.

"It is a bit cool." She apologises as she runs the scanner over my stomach. "If you look there on the screen Effie, there is your baby." She says, pointing to the screen. I feel the excitement and nerves bubble inside me as I examine the picture. He or she is still very small but I can make out a head and a body. "Looking very healthy." She praises, with a small smile.

"Boy or girl?" I ask her, excitedly.

"Well..."

* * *

"Haymitch!" I yell as I enter the command room. "Haymitch, oh Haymitch I have the best news-" I freeze taking in my surroundings. The command room is completely empty save for a woman who is busy clearing up.

"Oh...deary, they just left for the hovercraft." She hums as she dusts the room.

"Left? Oh no..."

"Yes, they left just a moment ago..." Her words are drowned out by the beating of my heart as my legs find themselves running to the pulse inside me.

I need to say goodbye. Oh Lord, please, I need to say goodbye. What if Haymitch thought that I didn't want to say goodbye or didn't care about him enough to be on time!

I run past corridor after corridor, clutching my stomach and I am heaving by the time I find the exist doors. A guard tries to stop me on my way but-and am not proud of this-I kick him in the shins and rush past him.

The open air. It heats me as soon as I get above ground and all I want to do is to spread my arms out

and to breathe it all in. But I want to say goodbye and give Haymitch my gift more than that.

I feel a thanksgiving come alive in me when I see the hovercraft still on the ground and I almost whoop with joy. However, the joy is short lived as the aircraft lets out a groan as it is started and the people who were surrounding it, probably saying goodbye to their families and friends, step back from it.

Oh no. "Haymitch!" I yell, running towards the aircraft. "Wait! Wait! Haymitch!" I almost scream out.

The doors to the hovercraft slam open and my husband appears at it. The vehicle has already started to slowly lift itself off the ground though, so he can't come towards. I swallow away the empty pit in my stomach.

"Effie-"

"Don't mix up the outfits!" I burst it hysterically. "Don't spill anything on the cotton pants. And don't get hurt, for goodness sake Haymitch, don't get hurt!" I yell up at him.

He chuckles. "I thought you wouldn't come." He yells down at me, over the howl of the hovercraft.

"And why wouldn't I." I reply, smiling despite the tears that have begin to run down my cheeks. "Here!" I say jumping up and reaching the photo to him. He crouches down quickly, in time to take the photo from my hand. "Its an ultrasound of the baby. Oh Haymitch, its a boy!"

"A boy?" He exclaims, the grin on his face widening as he stares at the picture. "A boy!"

"A boy." I nod, laughing. "Oh a boy, just like you wanted. Come back to us, okay?"

"I will." He says, his face turning solemn. We don't tell each other that we love each other and maybe its because the words sound way too much like a permanent goodbye. Maybe its because the words don't sound right for a time like this. Maybe its because we already know.

But I still blow him kiss which he cheesily catches in the air making me laugh.

Oh Haymitch, come back to me. I let my hand reach my stomach, caressing it softly. Thinking of the life that breathes inside me. The little baby boy that Haymitch and I have created.

Oh, come back to us Daddy.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Waiting. It crawled up my skin and seeped its way all the way to my bones. I could feel it inside me. Inside my stomach, my gut, my joints. I bet with all my heart that the baby could feel it too. That my little boy could feel the absence of his daddy.

Sometimes Sarah and I waited together. We'd meet in one of our individual bunkers and talk or sit in a companionable silence. Some days it would really get to one person and the other would continue to talk endlessly to try and make the other feel better.

They've been gone a month and 2 days. I am almost 6 months pregnant and I'm showing so much that Coin and the others can't ignore the fact that Haymitch and I are actually _together. _The evidence that wasn't clear enough by the ring on my finger it now more than clear enough now by the large bump that I carry.

He started to move today and while it was only a little flutter inside of me, I wanted so much to run and tell Haymitch. Because of that, today is one of those days for me and Sarah sits by my bed, babbling on about a necklace she saw at the underground.

"Is it beautiful?" I ask her.

"Oh, very much so Effie. Its gorgeous. Richard once bought me one like it a long time ago when District Thirteen was still part of Panem." She says as she knits using some thread I gave her when she was having one of those days.

"You two must be so in love." I say, looking up at her from where my head is resting on a pillow. "Everyone can see it in the way you look at each other."

"Exactly the same way you and Haymitch look at each other." She replies with a soft smile. "Now, why don't you get up off that bed and come and join me."

I return her smile softly before crawling up and towards her the best that I can. I pick up my smaller sowing set and get to work with stitching up the baby blanket that I was making. Sarah had gifted me with soft, blue cotton-like material as some-sorts of baby shower gift. The kind act from this kind woman had warmed me and I've already started making use of the material.

"That's very cute." She comments, looking at the blanket I am working on. "For your little one?"

I nod, smiling. "Yes. Thank you again for the material Sarah."

She shakes her head. "That is quite alright Effie." She says returning my smile. "Are you happy that it is a boy?"

I pause, taking a moment to think. "Well, I am not disappointed. I guess I just didn't really mind that much. Haymitch wanted a boy though."

She nods. "I thought as much. You lucky darlings, a child of your own." She sighs softly.

"I wasn't joking Sarah when I said that you and Richard could have a baby after the war."

"Effie, I am much to old!"

"My grandmother had my father when she was in her late forties." I complain. "It is very much possible!"

She smiles sadly. "Oh dear, no. We probably wouldn't know what to do with a baby anyway." She chuckles quietly.

I look down at my bump, pausing from stitching to gently rub it softly. "I understand what you mean. I have no clue how to be a mother! I feel as if I will do him more harm than good."

"Most women who have had children tell me that motherhood is a natural process." Sarah reassures me. "That you'll figure it out as you go."

"So there are no tutorial videos? No manuals?" I ask, frowning. "But I-I _need _something to go by. Maybe even a daily schedule to follow-"

"Effie, you will be fine." She clucks her tongue. "Any ideas for names?"

I nod. "We were thinking of calling him either Thatcher or Alfie as a first name." I tell her. I hold back saying the reasons why we were thinking of those names because it is something that I felt Haymitch would like to keep private.

She pauses in her knitting. "Lovely names if not interesting. Are they original District twelve names?"

I also pause for a bit before nodding. "I would think so. But I find them to be quite fitting for an Abernathy baby." I smile.

She chuckles. "What about a middle name?" She asks.

"I was thinking Aquarius."

"Aquarius?"

"Yes. Oh, its beautiful isn't it?" I say with a smile. "I once knew a man from the Capitol named Aquarius. He was friends with my father and such a good man, even at the tip of old age!"

"Uh..yes that's even more interesting." She replies, giving me a weird look. I am not too surprised. Most district people didn't really like Capitol names or see the creativity in them. I knew for a fact Haymitch hated my full name Euphemia Estherina Trinket. My first name, my father had gotten from a book about the ancient Greeks and it meant 'All-praised'. My middle name, my mother had named me after the brave Queen Esther in the bible.

I pause once again in my sowing to rub my stomach softly when I feel a flutter inside of me. As he is still very small, his movements simply feel like butterflies flying around inside me. I let a small giggle past my lips, smiling to myself.

Sarah gives me another weird look when I do this before shaking her head and smiling. "Oh Effie, it is so good to have you here." She says.

I smile back at her in surprise, warmed by her words. "Thank you Sarah, it is so good to have you here too."

And I am telling the truth when I say this. It is so good to have a friend with you when you're waiting.

* * *

I knock on Dr Evans door later on that week and she opens up for me, a tired expression resting on her face. "Hello Effie. Here for your check up?"

I nod. "Exactly 6 months today." I tell her as I enter the room.

She smiles softly. "Ah, you are almost about to enter your third trimester now." She says, closing the door behind me. "Only about a month left. That's when you won't be able to get up from the bed." She jokes.

Oh, I do hope Haymitch is back for my third trimester. I can't imagine going through any more of this without him! "Will I feel the baby kick then?" I ask, curiously.

She nods. "Yes you will and others will be able to feel it when they touch your stomach. At the very end stage of your pregnancy, there is a chance you might even be able to see the outline of your baby's feet and hands when its pressed against you."

I feel the nervousness inside me mixed with a bountiful of excitement. While my pain tolerance is considerably low, I couldn't help but feel excited to give birth to little Thatcher, Alfie. To hold him in my arms and rock him softly to sleep. To nurture him and see him grow under my eyes. Would he look like me with brown eyes and blonde hair? Or maybe more like Haymitch with grey eyes and sandy coloured hair?

"Lets get you up on the table then." Dr Evans says, patting the check up table. I go and lie down on the table and lift up my shirt automatically, having gone through the procedure countless times now.

She first feels around my stomach, writing notes here and there. Afterwards, she sets up the ultrasound equipment and squeezes the blue goo onto my stomach.

"The equipment looks a little different today." I note.

"We've got new equipment in again." She explains to me, running the scanner over my stomach. "This equipment also allows us to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Would you like to hear it today?"

I look at her in surprise. "You can do that? Actually hear the baby's heartbeat?" I ask urgently and she nods. "Oh...I would love to."

After she's looked at the baby, she places a different scanner unto my stomach, running it over. "It should just take a moment-oh, and there you go!" She exclaims. It starts off as a small drumming before it gets louder and quicker. It pulses my ears peacefully and I close my eyes, just allowing myself to relish in the sound of my baby's heart beating.

"Its so strong." I whisper.

"That it is." Dr Evans agrees. "Your baby is very healthy Effie. I'm a bit worried that you aren't getting enough protein though." She frowned before scribbling something down on a piece of paper and ripping it off to hand it to me. "Take this to the kitchen and give it in. Its an order from me for you to get some of the fresh meat the mockingjay and her friend have been hunting for these past few months." She said. "Keep coming to me every Thursday and I'll send you there with the same note."

Katniss hunting? And with a friend? It's probably the Gale guy, her cousin. I nod. "Thank you Dr Evans." I say, squeezing her hand as I take the note.

"Yeah, yeah." She replies with a small smile.

* * *

I clutch Dr Evans note as I make my way over to the small kitchens area where the canteen is. People are already busy in there as lunch is only an hour away and they have more than a 300 hundred people to feed.

I hover at the doorstep just watching until a man asks me what I want. I hand him the note and he reads it before nodding. "Greasy Sae's just in the back." He told me, pointing to a door at the end of the kitchen

Greasy Sae? I take the note back from him and make my way over to the door, not sure exactly what I would see when I open it. It turns out to be another similar kitchens area and only one person is in this area, an old, plump woman with stringy grey hair.

"If you don't know how to cook meat, get out of my kitchen!" She says, turning around to face me with a slightly toothless grin.

"I was told to come in here." I explain, reaching the note over to her. She grabs it out of my hand and quickly reads it.

"Ah, not enough meat for those bones huh." She says with a nod. "Take a seat child, I'll pour you some of what Greasy Sae makes best." She grins again before turning to scoop out something from a large pot into a ball. "You are lucky it is still hot." She tells me, handing me the ball and a spoon.

"Thank you." I say as I take it, looking down to examine its contents. It looks like a stew with large lumps of meat bobbing around it. I notice that there are also a few vegetables mixed with it and when I inhale it, my stomach growls hungrily. "It smells delicious!"

"Eat it up quickly. And don't ask me what is in it." She winks.

I am taken-back by this and hesitate but the smell is just too good that I throw caution to the wind. I take a large spoonful and almost moan out loud as the hot liquid moves down my throat. "It tastes amazing." I tell her, taking another spoonful.

She chuckles. "Thank you child. Now who are you?" She asks.

"Oh, where were my manners!" I exclaim, horrified by my actions. "Forgive me...Greasy Sae, I'm Effie." I say, sticking out a hand to her.

She shakes it with a firm grip. "Haymitch's girl?" She asks me, looking surprised. "The capitol gem? Here I thought you had pink hair and clothes that glowed."

I laugh softly. "Well, not exactly. I did use to wear wigs which were pink though." I don't mention that clothes that gave out light were so last two years ago. "Are you from District Twelve?" I ask her curiously.

"Born and bred!" She says, going back to staring the stew and adding some more ingredients to it. "Every tuesday, Haymitch would come to me for some stew. Poor child, he never really had anyone to look after him." She muses.

I can't help but agree with her. Ever since Haymitch's family were killed by Snow when he was seventeen, I knew that he had grown up pretty much by himself. In twelve, he didn't have any friends. I had my small family in the Capitol to keep me company and while it wasn't much on some people's standards, I still grew up knowing that I deserved to be loved. I can't ever imagine myself in his shoes.

"You are knocked up with a big bun in the oven, I must say. You and Haymitch work fast."

I flush a bright red at her. "W-what? Oh no, we've been married for more than 3 years now." I explain, quickly to her. "It is not...it is not one of those one night fling things."

She nods, approvingly. "It's good that Haymitch has found someone to be with. He deserves it more than anyone else. How far along are you child?"

"6 months." I tell her, taking another spoonful of stew. "I'm huge aren't I?"

"Your baby boy is definitely going to have some muscle on him."

"How did you know it is a boy?" I ask, surprised.

She grins. "Your stomach is facing downwards. In my days, that was the only sign that you were pregnant with a boy."

I smile slightly. "Did you have children?"

She takes a quick step back, a stricken look appearing on her face for a brief second. I immediately mentally slap myself once again for my inconsiderate words as Greasy Sae gives me a sad smile. "Ah, Greasy wasn't as lucky as others." She tells me, shaking her head softly.

I look down. "I'm sorry-"

"Oh, no child." She cuts me off, as she starts chopping some vegetables a little too strongly. "I could never give my husband something that I knew he had always wanted. Scaring on my womb, the healer had said. Wasn't woman enou'f." She mutters, making me frown. "But at least no one went into the games." She adds.

The small joke only serves to make me feel more guilty. "I thought about it." I reply, clenching my free hand into a fist. "About how if Haymitch and I did have children they might end up in the games. Of course I always argued with him saying that my capitol citizenship would assure that it didn't happen but-"

"No child is safe from the games." Greasy Sae finishes for me with a nod. "You are good for him. Treat him well child. And your little one."

I nod, smiling. "I will." I finish off the stew and help her wash up the dishes in a small sink. "Thank you for the stew Greasy Sae." I say.

She chuckles. "Not to worry Effie. Glad you liked it." She replies.

I smile once again at her before making my way over to the door. I pause, poking my head at the doorway. "Oh, and Greasy Sae? My mother always taught me that women are strong and wise. I think you are the most..womanly woman I have ever met." I mumble, feeling foolish.

She looks at me in surprise before she grins. "Off you go." She simply says with a small wink.

* * *

The next day, Coin calls the left over Command room team into the office a few hours earlier. With the strategist teams and the main guard teams gone, there is only around twenty of us left.

"Why has she called us here so early?" I ask Sarah as she hands me a cup of herb tea. "Thank you, I appreciate it."

"That's okay. And I have no idea." She replies, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "I hope they are alright." She mutters the words we are both afraid to fully complete.

I glance quickly at Coin. Her face while pretty looking-almost handsome-is worn and tired. There are wrinkles by the corner of her eyes that would normally be called laugh lines but I could guess have not appeared because of laughter. Her eyes are red from lack of sleep and her form for once, slouched over with almost...defeat? Desperation? I quickly decide that it is both.

"We are on high alert." She finally says when everyone has arrived. "Earlier on this evening, we received a warning from someone in the Capitol informing us that bombs will soon be dropped down on District Thirteen."

The voices start off quiet and panicky before rising to outraged loud shouts.

"Bombs?"

"But I thought that the Capitol don't know we are underground!"

"My children!"

I grab out at the desk in front of me with one hand as the other immediately goes to my stomach. No..NO!

"Calm down!" Coin yells and the whole room is silenced. While the woman scared the Panem out of me, she surely did have a lasting impact. "The bombs are not scheduled until tomorrow. There is a chance we can all be saved."

"And how?" Sarah asks, her eyes narrowed. "How exactly?"

Coin pinches the bridge of her nose. "The bomb shelters-"

"Are not going to fit more than 300 people." Sarah snaps.

"That is why I have asked you all in this morning." Coin says. "To tell you the truth, we need a plan."

The silence rings around the room and drags for what feels like hours. The strategist teams are gone. Who exactly is going to come up with a plan here?

Inside me I feel my baby boy flutter and while the movement once brought joy to my heart, now only fills me with dread. A life that hasn't even began taken away. Oh Haymitch! I can't even imagine what he would do if he lost the baby and I. If he was here, he would know exactly what to do. What would he do if he was here?

I look across the room and spot a map on the board that he uses when he is explaining things to everyone. Its a map of District Thirteen, the newly built underground section, the woods and the older section of District Thirteen where the old town city building still stood.

The old building was a long way away from where the new District Thirteen society had rebuilt itself and I had only seen it once, when we were flying over it. It was interesting how the Capitol burnt down every bit of District Thirteen apart from the town city building.

I wonder to myself why they didn't rebuild underground from the building. It would have been a great place to put elevators that led downwards undeground-wait!

"The town city building." I whisper. Every eye snaps towards me. I clear my throat. "Its a very grand building and you can see it from a mile away."

"Can't you see we are in a crisis here?" Coin interrupts me. "We really don't have time for you to be stating the obvious-"

"President Coin!" I yell out before taking a deep breath. "I have been with Haymitch for longer than 3 years and have listened to him go on about every key point in the book! Please let me finish."

Coin looks slightly taken-back by my words but nods slowly. I make my way over to the front of the table, where the board is. "As I was saying the town city building is a rather grand building. Its very big and its also the only building that was left standing by the Capitol." I say, pointing to the building. "With a District supposedly blown to bits, where else would you start to rebuild District Thirteen, if not the only location that is left."

At this a few hesitant mummers of agreement follow and even Coin leans forward, her eyes calculating. "The Capitol don't know that we know about their plan." I continue. "Or at least, they are hopeful they managed to cut any ties before the message reached us and with how over confident they are, I just know that they believe this. The building itself is more than 20km away from where we are. Haymitch once told me a conversation he had with Beetee where he found out that the Capitol's bombs only extend 5km out which is why they tend to drop a plentiful of them."

Sarah hums. "So if we could lead them to the town city building instead of us by turning on lights for example, we could save ourselves!" She exclaims.

I nod. "Its a long shot but-"

"It could work." Coin finishes off, giving me a hesitant approving nod. "We don't have anything else so I guess we will have to go with that plan."

I nod. "But we should still put all the children and the elderly in the bomb shelters."

"And the pregnant women." A voice pipes from the back. "Including you."

I frown, shaking my head. "No. I could never hide out like that while other people-"

"Don't be selfish Effie." Sarah interrupts me with a glare that surprises me. "Don't do it for yourself, do it for your child."

I look down but nod at her words. Sometimes I do need reminding that I am carrying another life inside of me. A life that has so much to look forward to in a world that provides so little.

"Let's get to work." Coin says, rubbing her eyes. "It is going to be a long day."


End file.
